I seem to have left my pride at pride
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
