You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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