I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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