I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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