The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
