Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
