Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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