It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
