So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
