Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
