Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize