it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
