Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You took a bar mat shot.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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