I think my vagina is haunted
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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