if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My pussy is not your playground.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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