If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
