I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize