Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
