What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
