He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
