So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have fence marks all over my body
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