Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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