I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
