no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
