It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
