i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
