If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish i was in the wii world.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
