I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
