The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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