so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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