I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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