he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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