I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
