my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
