I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize