Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
