His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Randomize
