The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize