I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize