I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Two words: blizzard sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
