Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
