very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
