I heard we made out
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
where are my eyebrows?
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