We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
