wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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