I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My cat gives me a boner
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
