my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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