She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
