she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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