Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
