At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So here I am, sexting at work.
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