I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
