Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
