In America we eat man semen.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
