a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
