Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
