Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How many fucks given?
0.12846
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
