Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
