You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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