he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
