You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
