Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We got so high we made milksteak
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
