Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
