If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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