we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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