pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
