I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
