Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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