I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
