So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Who died my cat blue again?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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