I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
