Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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