i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
