Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
