i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
