apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Randomize
