I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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